When I’m trying to sleep in bed.. The pants gotta go

if i could go back in time and change anything, it would be that. I know they say dont change your past cause it made you who you are today, but nothing will make me feeling better. Knowing i didn’t visit my opa more when he was sick in the hospital when he wanted to see me and kayla so bad. And i barely went. Mainly because i didnt want to see him that sick, but also because i was a little selfish. i didnt want to see hiim especially when he was in the isolation center, because that would have been way to hard. I knew after he passed away i’d regret it. I should of went. I beat myself up everytime i think about it. Especially after i found out how hurt and abandonded he was with his sons after he got together with the woman he had an affair with. His sons had every right to be angry, but they pushed him so far out of their life it must of killed my opa. That gets me. Because even his grandchildren didn’t see him very often. I wish i saw him more when he was sick. I even wish that with my grandpa, but the difference is my mom didnt want me to see him like that, and i saw my grandpa way more than i did my opa.

Nothing will make up for how sorry i am. All i can do is pray to god that you hear me say how sorry i am and how you should know i love you with all my heart, as i always have. i’m sorry.